The reverend dead
don't care what they wear,
they don't put on makeup,
they don't style their hair,
they don't pay their taxes,
they don't fall for pranks,
they don't pursue passions,
they don't offer thanks,
they don't crave nostalgia,
they're free of that drug--
Yes, the reverend dead
are terribly smug.

Thursday Clerihew: Undying Literature

Higgledy-piggledy
Stephanie Meyer,

Worried she stopped writing
Twilight too soon,

Sat down and wrote out
A trilogy prequel
Called, somewhat comically,
Late Afternoon.

Problem and Prescription

Life is unfortunate, lonely, and sad.
Everything lovely trends downward to bad.
The future's uncertain, unpleasant, and spooky,
and coming up shortly. Go have a cookie.

A Somewhat Troubling Metaphor

If you're a cow,
then all you do
is chew and chew
and chew and chew.

If you're a horse,
then, I confide,
you gallop, canter,
pace, and ride.

A horse can live
to eighty-eight.
A cow ends mostly
on the plate.

These simple lines
exemplify
why you must
diversify.

Monday Limerick: Musical Commentary

A organist said, "I diverge

from those who say Bach is a scourge.

For me, it's a scandal

that no one says Handel

--'s the composer whose works should be purged."

A Late Night Rant

More than the Nazis, the plague, or D. Trump,
Or all other rank controversials,
I hate with my soul the high, simpering sound
Of kids' voices on radio commercials.

Pulled From the News: Lifesaving Mouth to...Um...

Emergency training's

not great in this nation--

that's not how you perform

resuscitation!

From this headline. (Warning, NSFW)

Thursday Clerihew: The Solution

Higgledy-piggledy
Sir Alec Guinness,
finding no alcohol
upon his shelf,

went to the tavern, and--
muttering, "Dash it all!"--
rather indignantly
ordered himself.

Lines to be Pinned on a Future Politician's Mirror

You're respectful of the facts;

Your policies are clear;

You are warm and generous;

You don’t resort to fear;

You’re open to discussion

And you’ve never voiced a sneer;

While your ambition for the good

Is upright and sincere;

You are sane and eloquent--

This is not your year.

The Middle-Aged Poet Reflects Upon His Graduating Class

All the youths you knew and loved

and secretly observed--

the young men with their flashing teeth

and bellies subtly curved,

the young girls with their tapered limbs

and energetic smiles,

the golden ones you once worshiped

for all their youthful wiles:

the ones you thought too good for you--

are probably, today,

like you grown kind of chubby,

complacent, tired, and gray.

Monday Limerick: Emmett's Misfortune

A young man named Emmett Von Schuyle

dropped his phone in his friend's swimming pool.

Said young Em: "I'm upset

that my phone has got wet--

that's not good for a phone, as a rule."